exams

mid yrs is gone le ba... hmmm so damn affected.. till i dun wista do ath le.. izit really juz a phase? i duno.. it's hard to pass.. dats all i noe.. suffocating until u cant breathe.. owayz caught in e dilemma.. dun wista go to sch cuz i cant face that sm1.. juz seein e name appear on msn made me sign off omoz immediately.. my heart dropped.. i was angry, upset n depressed all at one go.. upset cuz of e thgs i had done, depressed cuz i cant face sm1 anymre, angry cuz i dun like myself to be liddat.. its weak behavior n weak is not supposed to exist in my dictionary.

all probs r caused by man themselves ba.. if only... so oftenly used till it have lost its value.. man abuse this word to comfort themselves for whatever regrets they have..

i dun wanna be weak, dun wanna escape.. bt yet i cant help it..

i had the courage to own up all e wrong i had done.. believe me it is nt ez... imagine telling sm1 u punch her bro.. e regret n guilt deep inside can only be masked n nt spoken out cuz u dun even deserve a chance to show ur feelings.. u despair, u lose urself in e murmurs of the background, gradually fading away, losing e value of even existing.. wad does this lead to? death.. cuz u see no point living anymre.. u r insignificant n e only time u r significant, u created an impact e wrong way.. u hurt sm1.. man r selfish.. i was selfish once.. i regret it cuz it was at e expense of sm1's feelings.. neva wanted it to be that way bt thgs juz went out of control.. i'm very sorry.. bt simply sorry cant explain e pain i'm experiencing..

seriously i tot of suicide, bt when i look at e people ard me, i cant do it. i'm like living for them rite nw. dragging myself even tho i wista stop.. i cant bear to see them be sad for sm1 so undeserving like me.. miss peisee,daph, xueqin suddenly.. they were like big sisters to me.. peisee.. toking to me at e grandstand aft every trg cuz i despair.. noticing smthg is wrong w me when others tink i'm fine.. it is e eye contact.. e bond is unique.. e eye speaks wad is deep inside.. daph.. owayz there to care.. xueqin.. so long neva tok to her le..jen n ness r by my side n i appreciate that.. bt juz cant be weak in front of them ba.. bt can be true tho.. i dunno.. n yuhuan n xiaohei.. haiz i dunno wad to say.. lucky still gt tong in class.. i wana pass this phase!

give me courage once agn to face up. to e reality of life.. i was wrong, i hurt sm1, bt in e process, i hurt myself even mre cuz sm1 was sm1 i cared.. e pain is a lot worse than if sm1 hurt me.. i duno wad i want nw.. maybe be vulnerable to e outside world bt i want to be e jasmine i am proud of once agn.. e jasmine who help w/o selfish gains, e jasmine who can heal, nt hurt..

chance........ e last chance...